At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
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He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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