no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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