$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
