angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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