Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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