Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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