Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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