We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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