yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
