I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
