I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
