her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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