he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
