HIV tests are more positive than that guy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
