Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
