it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
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she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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