i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Pooping to opera.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
