I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
