wakey wakey hands off snakey
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
