he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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