It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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