Screwed.edu
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
