I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
