Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
