I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
