just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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