His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have fence marks all over my body
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Holy shit dude........stairs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
