He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
