he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
