When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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