You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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