dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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