If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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