but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
