I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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