Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
