My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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