He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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