im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
