i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
