she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
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I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
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I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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