please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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