thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
