I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
