i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Couch. On fire.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize