3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
