Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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