and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
