nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
