if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize