Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
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I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
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"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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