Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When did angry sex become our thing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
