TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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