i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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