Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
