My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
