I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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